Finding Your Equilibrium
The Unseen Link Between Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement
Hey Friends,
Warm wishes from the cozy Woods Coffee in Bellevue, Washington. As the holidays unfold and a new year peeks around the corner, I've got an extra sprinkle of joy to share with you. I will share with you some reflection ideas for 2023 today so please continue reading beyond my first idea as I ask you to do something I feel is very important for yourself before we begin the Year 2024!
Ideas That Are Changing My Life
Self-Acceptance vs Self-Improvement
Since 2017, I've immersed myself in a myriad of self-help books, videos, and blogs. Through this journey, two common perspectives have echoed from the people around me: Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement - many advocate finding contentment in the present, while others find perpetual self-improvement as the cornerstone of a fulfilling life.
Often, there can be some confusion around - self-acceptance and self-improvement. They can appear to be not merely different approaches but even opposed to each other. Self-improvement focuses on making an effort to change oneself positively whereas Self-Acceptance seems to imply not changing anything at all. But are these truly opposed or incompatible? Is one approach right and the other one wrong? Or is there a room for harmonious blend?
The Dual Nature of Self-Improvement
The essence of self-improvement lies in acknowledging that we all possess areas in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that could be refined. It's a natural inclination to seek progress rather than stagnation. Yet, this journey has a negative side to it. Self-improvement, if not approached with mindfulness, can accentuate or inflate negative beliefs about our self-worth. It might reinforce the pervasive feeling of not being good enough, potentially leading to shame and self-judgment. These sorts of underlying beliefs can become the very thing that prevents us from actually improving and in some cases can cause us to feel even worse.
One pitfall lies in setting unattainable goals or creating an image of perfection. Instead of becoming a source of inspiration, it can feed our source of inadequacy because we never quite measure up to that image, reinforcing beliefs of brokenness or incompleteness. And so if you want to improve, often the place to start is to address these kinds of limiting beliefs, to improve the very way in which we perceive ourselves as we are currently and that's where self-acceptance comes in.
Importance and Drawbacks of Self-Acceptance
No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance. Period. Self-acceptance doesn't negate the fact that you may have areas that require improvement. It doesn't mean being inert or inactive, it doesn't mean passively resigning to unhealthy habits and behaviors and making no effort to change. What it means is dropping the judgment that we tend to have about ourselves and embracing yourself with kindness and compassion, with patience and forgiveness knowing that you aren't perfect.
In simpler terms, if you're trying to become a better version of yourself, it's crucial to accept and appreciate who you are now. It's like trying to grow a plant. You wouldn't constantly tell the seed it's not good enough; you'd nurture it, give it what it needs, and watch it grow naturally. Self-acceptance means recognizing where you are in your development and giving yourself the right environment to grow and improve. It means recognizing that you have within you all the potential to grow, improve, and blossom. The more you accept yourself as you are, the more possibility there is for growth, and that growth will often occur quite naturally and effortlessly.
Similarly, an exclusive focus on self-acceptance might lead to complacency and inadvertently resist positive changes. If the desire for self-improvement arises from a genuine aspiration to lead a healthier, more fulfilling life, an overly accepting stance may hinder the motivation to strive for positive change. Hence, instead of seeing these two in opposition to each other, the key is to create a harmonious balance between the two.
Yearly Planning
I feel a certain ease in the air these days that I've never experienced before, an air of satisfaction about how this year has turned out for me. As I look back on the past couple of years, I've experimented with various things—some stuck, some faded away, and a few evolved into indispensable tools.
It all began with a whimsical list of identity goals that I shared in my inaugural newsletter (attached here for a quick revisit). Now, as I meticulously craft a fresh set of goals for 2024, infused with additional refinement, I extend an invitation for you to embark on a similar introspective journey and encourage you to engage in this reflection exercise.
Reflect with Insight
Take a moment to think about your goals, weaving them with insights into your habits, strengths, and weaknesses. Before you start with the reflection, I want to share with you some ideas that resonated with me a lot through some varied content from Ali Abdaal that I watched recently.
What does it mean to make a given year the best year of your life?
Progress - Making progress towards things that truly matter to us
Balance - We are not screwing one life area due to another
Enjoy - While working and being on this journey, we manage to enjoy ourselves.
"The Wheel of Life" Method
Visualize a wheel with 3 components (Health, Work, and Relationships), and each category has 3 sub-components. The idea is to rate our alignment on each of the 9 sub-components by answering a simple question: Are your actions in this area of life consistent with where you want to be? Alignment means - even if you are not successful at it currently as long as you are putting in honest efforts, you're aligned with that area of life. These sub-components are:
Health - Body, Mind and Soul
Work - Money, Mission, and Growth
Relationships - Romance, Family, and Friends
Key Reflection Areas
Most Memorable Moments
Major Obstacles You Overcame
Personal Growth (Changes in Beliefs, Attitudes, and Behaviors)
Unfulfilled Goals
Relationships
Career or Academic Growth
Gratitude Moments For People, Experiences and Opportunities
Self-Care Journey on All 4 Dimensions (Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual)
By undertaking these steps, you pave the way for a more meaningful and intentional approach to 2024. In the January 7th newsletter, I'll also provide some insights into how I plan to make 2024 my best year yet. Together, let's set the stage for a year of purposeful growth and accomplishment.
I encourage you to put down some thoughts like what are some of your goals for the next year or what are some of the things you did this year that you’re proud of? Whatever you feel like :)
Weekly Reflections
Things I Did Right This Week
Newsletter on time - This is the first time I finished and published my newsletter on time and I hope I can stick to it.
Focus on Physical Health - Continued focusing on both - my workout and diet, as a result, I have gained a little more than a kilo in the last 4 weeks. Hoping to double down on this.
Broad List of Books in 2024 - Finalized a long list of 40 books, need to trim it down further to have a final list of books that I will be reading in 2024, so will be doing that as part of the next week.
White Elephant Party - An amazing time with a group of friends and lots of food (cheat meal :p). Had a Christmas gift exchange and followed these White Elephant Rules and it was super fun. A must-try alternative for your Secret Santa Party.
Things I Am Looking Forward To In The Coming Week
Reflection on 2023 - Will be reflecting upon my past year using some of the exercises I mentioned above and find more that resonate with me. This would help me in better planning for my next year which I would be doing in the first week of January.
Lots of Reading - I am currently reading 3 books (The Art and Business of Online Writing, Building a Second Brain, and How to Win Friends and Influence People) which I want to finish before the year ends so looking to invest time towards that.
Secret Santa Party - Have another get-together with a group of friends this week to celebrate Christmas. Looking forward to it :)
Things I Loved This Week
Atomic Habits (Shortform) - Got done with this book on Shortform again after reading it in January last year, and loved it. Plan to follow up with some exercises mentioned as well.
How Discord Stores TRILLIONS of Messages - A crisp introductory video on how Discord migrated from CassandraDB to ScyllaDB and they did all of that in just 9 days.
That's all in this week's newsletter! Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below and please subscribe for more exciting ideas every week.
See you next Sunday!
-Mehul